When I first started looking for help in my parenting journey, I thought I was doing a decent job of self-care. It was something we had talked about a lot at work, so it wasn’t foreign to me. I prioritized going to church, “resting” (aka. doomscrolling on my phone) and regularly said “no” to social outings because I knew they were more than I could handle.

The reality? I was doing things that I enjoyed, but they didn’t truly recharge me – or even address all areas of my well-being. (Ahem, looking at you, doomscrolling). I had isolated myself from everyone outside of work, church, and doctor’s appointments. I wasn’t really practicing self-care; I was barely surviving.

What Was I Missing?

We are complex, and therefore our well-being is not as simple as doing one or two things. Self-care is often broken down into multiple aspects of well-being, with the number depending on who you ask. I break it down into six areas:

• Spiritual
• Physical
• Emotional
• Intellectual
• Mental
• Relational

I was doing some small things for my spiritual and mental well-being, but I was neglecting the rest.

It took time, but as I learned more reactive strategies and added proactive ones (more on that in a couple weeks), I found that covering more areas with simple strategies made a significant difference. My energy and enjoyment of life slowly returned. I became a more patient mother, better prepared for the inevitable moments when things fell apart – which still happened (and happen) more often than I liked. But as I calmed, my kids calmed too. We began to co-regulate.

The Most Important Part

The key for me, was finding strategies that were quick and low effort. I also enjoyed discovering strategies that covered multiple areas at once.

• A walk in nature refreshed me physically, connected me spiritually with God, and provided restful moments.
• A simple text message allowed me relational connection without emotional and mental overload.
• Reading strengthened my intellectual well-being while also giving me a way to connect with my kids and, often, deepened my spiritual growth as well.
• The biggest change for me was finding a new church that accepted me and my kids as we were, reached out gently, but also gave me space and encouragement to heal. These strategies became my foundation. They weren’t elaborate, and they didn’t require extra energy I didn’t have. But they worked.

When the pandemic hit, everything changed again. I was working random hours online, going to school full-time, raising sheep, and parenting four kids – one of whom was convinced that we were the only ones living in lockdown. It was also during that time that I was diagnosed with ADHD and realized that without my routines I was completely lost.

I adjusted my self-care strategies again. I built new rhythms. I gardened with the kids. I started on ADHD medication. And somehow, in all the chaos, I found some personal stability.

But what I remember most was a conversation with a friend - who happened to be the pastor that I had connected with during one of the hardest seasons of my life. She dropped off some ice cream for the kids, and as we stood outside, keeping the mandatory distance, she asked how I was doing.

I remember telling her, “You know, I’m doing okay. It’s hard, but I’m okay.”

She looked back at me and said something that stuck with me: “You know, I believe you. There was a time a few years ago, when you would say that, but your eyes told a different story. But now, there’s peace that wasn’t there before.”

The biggest difference wasn’t skill or circumstance – it was having a solid self-care plan that kept me spiritually healthy and addressed all aspects of my well-being over a few days or week, no matter what was happening around me.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stretched too thin, or just running on empty, I want you know – you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.